You really coming over, don't trick.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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