if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
