He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
