my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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