So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
