My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
