He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i think my cat just said my name.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
