I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
