I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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