he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
