my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
