Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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