man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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