I'm jealous of your bromance
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
do nipples grow back?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
