i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
