you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
