Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
