i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
