We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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