Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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