i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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