Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
