The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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