i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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