I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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