Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
