Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
