spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
