If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
