problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
