I will die if light touches me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
