she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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