i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
