Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is my gift to your gina
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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