By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
