yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
