If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
