I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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