We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
