i need an iv and a liver transplant
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
