Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
