We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
