Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
