Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
