I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I love you.
Bad choice
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
