I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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