so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
