seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
3pm strippers are depressing
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
