You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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