I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
