You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
