my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
